We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
