I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
