My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's blow job season.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
