when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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