Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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