Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
