$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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