I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
