woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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