Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Randomize
