their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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