Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
