The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
