I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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