...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
