I just cut my nipple shaving
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
