Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
