everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
