There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
