She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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