he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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