At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
