I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
