Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize