I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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