I like my sex mixed with concussions.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
