New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
