There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
