What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pants are for mortals
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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