I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
