Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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