dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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