I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
