remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
