I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i love accidental penises.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You pole danced in your parka.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
