they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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