You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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