I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
