So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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