How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
