have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
