If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
