his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When are your genitals available?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
