Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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