found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
