just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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