Plan B is the new Plan A
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
