I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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