Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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