Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
