hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
