About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
