right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
