3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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