we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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