I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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