i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Randomize
