I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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