butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
