i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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