Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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