onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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