We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
