I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Less talking, more tequila
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
