Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
