what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
