Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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