I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
