Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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