Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize